Frances McCue


Anne Carson and Gjertrud Schnackenberg
July 12, 2010, 7:32 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , ,

I’m interested in grief. I try to stay curious about it. A grief counselor told me that this was a “distancing device.” Of course it is. But, still. Is there any other way than to narrate one’s way through? You say, “Here is a sandwich. Gary died. I am eating the sandwich.” Or swoosh. I am at sea in some squall, cold and adrift, mist on my face, and the blowing rips me around. My breath is funny. Off and on. And, I don’t really care. It takes up time and space and, yes, it’s uncomfortable but it’s something to do.

Anne Carson has things to do. Her brother disappeared. Then he died. She writes about that in NOX, an accordion-folding journal-scrapbook, by turns self reflexive and classical. Those two sides have dialogue, as they so often do, in Carson’s work. It’s an exercise in distance. The brother was gone for a long time. Maybe always.

Then, there’s Schnackenberg’s poem in the lastest Harpers. “Sublimaze” is a kind of pre-grieving grief, the bullpen for a partner’s death. For Schnackenberg, a “transitory door,” the deathwall of “radiant orange, ablaze beyond the bed.” The poem goes on for six pages, double columns, in the magazine. It’s a tour of expectations, opiates, scalpels, planetary alignments and lab results. All of it in a floating grief state. He hasn’t left yet. When he goes, it will be “we” go.

Since Gary died, I’ve been writing poems, fragments, prose bits, vignettes and I scrape and scrape at the horror of it. One minute I’m documenting and fiddling with the placement of things: the coffin, his clothing, my hands, his hands. Then, it’s like I’m crawling, pulling my elbows across the pavement, trying to get to him.

My slow motion is NOX; it’s SUBLIMAZE. I’m in between. The outside part of me does my work, makes the sandwich, hugs my daughter and the inside is screaming against the deathwall, the terrible unfolding.

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Mother died when I was a teenager, beloved sister in a car wreck 20 years ago this June 14, first lab, Belle, passed on many years ago, still grieving, keep her tags close, took 15 years for Pam to convince me I needed another dog, got, not one, but two labs, Bessie and Maggie, now they are aging and Bessie is day-to-day, she’s a lesson in courage, so it’s happening again, I guess the only thing that helps is when deep, soul-wrenching weeping descends on me, not sure why that helps, maybe puts me in touch the unfamiliar combination beings that each were made from me and my loved ones.
Abrazos

Comment by Geoff Moser




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